The Black Hole Cycle

by Justin Tee

I don’t like to write about negative thoughts. But I have to. I have to explain what is happening. It is hard for me to write, and I am sure for some it will be hard to read.

You feel:

Heavy. Stuck. No motivation. Inertia. Depression. Exhaustion. Brain fog. Failure. Guilt. Self-criticism. Pain.

You may know the feeling.

You want to move, but you feel frozen. You watch yourself sinking, and you do not know how to stop. The weight is dragging you further and further down a black hole.

I know it too.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You believe you will fail, so you act in ways that make failure certain. You miss one day. You call yourself lazy. You stop trying. And then you fail.

You believe you are a failure. So you interpret every setback as evidence and ignore every win. You just cannot see the wins. Belief creates behaviour. Behaviour creates outcome. Outcome confirms belief. And the cycle continues, a negative spiral that is out of control. It is horrible, and it feels like there is no way out. You are not failing because you are weak. You have learned to expect failure.

It is self-sabotage.

I call this the black hole cycle.

How It Starts

It may have started with a trauma. A car accident. A diagnosis. A loss. A betrayal. A moment when the ground beneath you disappears.

Maybe it is nothing you can name. A slow leak of confidence. A quiet voice that says you are not enough. A feeling that you have been pretending, and soon everyone will find out.

Something breaks your confidence and self-belief system. Something cracks the foundations that have been holding you up for years.

You stop trusting yourself.

And then your goals, your targets, your jobs become traps.

You set yourself a target. Exercise, cook, read, study, clean, meet your friends. It could be anything. Something simple. Something normally easily achievable.

Then you miss one time. That is all it takes.

One missed workout. One day of not studying. One extra biscuit. One moment of not being perfect.

And then the voice starts. The black hole spiral begins.

You call yourself lazy. You doubt yourself.

You feel ashamed. You avoid the situation altogether.

You stop trying. You feel worse.

You try again later. You cannot. The spiral repeats.

You try. You fail. You spiral. You stop. You try again. You miss again. You stop again.

It is exhausting.

The Physical Sensation

It is not just in your head. You feel it in your body.

Tight chest. Heavy limbs. Stomach pains. Aches. Your racing heart.

Fatigue that is not from lack of sleep.

A weight pressing down on you, making every small task feel like climbing a mountain.

This is not weakness. This is your nervous system overloaded.

What the Black Hole Tells You

The black hole has a voice. It sounds like this:

‘You have no willpower.’

‘You always give up.’

‘Why can’t you just do it?’

‘You are a failure.’

‘I am lazy.’

‘I have no discipline.’

‘I will never change.’

‘There is something wrong with me.’

These are not truths. They are symptoms of the cycle.

The voice is not your friend. But it is loud. And it is convincing. It is not your real voice.

The All-or-Nothing Trap

The black hole convinces you that if you cannot do it perfectly, you should not do it at all.

One missed day means the whole week is ruined.

One mistake means you are a failure.

You stop seeing the small wins. You only see what you did not do.

This is not discipline. This is self-destruction.

The Shame Cycle

The shame makes you avoid the task even more.

The avoidance makes you feel more ashamed.

The black hole deepens.

You are not lazy. You are trapped.

The Isolation

You stop talking about it.

You feel like no one else would understand.

You do not want to be around other people as they might think something is wrong with you.

You believe you are the only person who cannot just ‘try harder’.

You are not alone. I have been there. So have many others.

The Black Hole Cycle Is Exhausting

It is real. It is horrible and I hate it.

But it is not the only cycle.

The Rebuilding Cycle

There is another way. A rebuilding cycle. You have to do the exact opposite of the black hole cycle. You have to start at the bottom and rebuild your foundations.

You need to make those mountains into molehills and take a step – a small step – one at a time. What will happen is the rebuilding cycle will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and balance will return. It is not easy and only you can do it.

This was heavy and difficult for me to write. I will write about the positive rebuilding cycle next time.

When you cannot think, act. When you cannot act, breathe. But do not stop.

— Justin Tee